119: Not in the mood for sex? Let’s talk alternatives

In this episode, I explore the nuance of sexual intimacy in long-term relationships and what it really means to meet each other in desire, even when you’re not fully “in the mood.” I share the deeper context behind a recent (and quite controversial) post about offering a blowjob as an alternative form of intimacy and unpack why this idea sparked so much conversation.

We dive into the differences between male and female arousal, spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and why sexuality is far more complex than a simple yes or no. This episode opens up a more expansive way of thinking about intimacy, where communication, choice, and mutual satisfaction take the lead.

This is an invitation to move beyond rigid definitions of sex, to explore what feels truly aligned for you, and to approach intimacy from a place of empowerment, generosity, and self-awareness.

In this episode:

• Why desire differs between men and women

• The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire

• Why intimacy doesn’t always have to include penetration

• How to stay connected when you’re not in the mood for sex

• The role of communication, consent, and boundaries

• Reframing giving (including oral sex) as a choice, not an obligation

• How sexual empowerment transforms your relationship

Related episodes:

67: Embrace your desire style: explaining spontaneous vs. responsive desire →

69: The ultimate desire hack: how to have more sex in your longterm relationship →